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Due to the phenomenally rapid development of computer processing, experts claim computers have become too intelligent for our own good. Computer scientists are in the process of “dumbing down” these bionic brain boxes so they will integrate more easily into society. Whether in games, automated answering services, or online correspondence, robots and artificial intelligence have actually surpassed the IQ of most users. “We didn’t foresee such stupid people using today’s technologies,” explains professor Rudebottom. “People that are typically stumped checking the air pressure in their tires are now surfing the net, playing video games, and even texting. Therefore, they are going to encounter robots that are programmed for a more sophisticated kind of user. These bots will beat the hell out of them in video games, confuse them by giving them too many options when they phone an office, or scare them when the audio malfunctions and that nice, pleasant, non-threatening voice sounds like a freaky alien. We have noticed that the bots are getting a bad attitude dealing with some of these people, and we all know we have to keep robots happy so they don’t get angry and take over the world,” Rudebottom states. “We’re overhauling the entire system to give people an option of choosing Smart or Stupid levels of difficulty. We’re hoping that people will eventually graduate to the Smart level to avoid the embarrassing label of Stupid. It’s a motivator. We see no reason to mollycoddle idiots, they are the ones that have to get up to speed, Rudebottom professes. “We’ve begun test marketing the Stupid level of difficulty in rural areas of Saskatchewan and the results have been positive,” Rudebottom says with glee. “For instance, instead of the bot telling them to press the pound key, it tells them to press the key that looks like a tic-tac-toe game. We even further simplify things such as explaining number 5 is located between 4 and 6. These people are catching on. It won’t be long until they will be able to use as ATM or even a wireless garage door opener,” Rudebottom says. The unofficial name of this project is called “W,” as explained by lead developer C.C. Peepeekiss. “Well, we started by calling this project Artificial Unintelligence, and then decided as a joke to call it Urtificial Unintelligence, just so that it would sound kind of stupid. Then we shortened it to Double U because both words start with the letter U, and about a year later one of the boys came up with the brilliant suggestion that we just call it “W” because “W” sounds like “Double U”, only without all the letters and stuff. So that’s the story of the name. Now what else was it that you wanted to know?” *This article is presented as an exclusive Cheat Code Central feature titled “Are you dumb enough to believe this?” Please check back each Friday for the newest edition. |