“This is the ultimate gaming invention,” boasts inventor Harvey Manfoul. The EverChair is designed to accommodate long hours of gaming, extremely long hours of gaming. “We’ve had a number of testers sit in the chair and continue to game for upwards of 48 hours and beyond,” claims Manfoul. The secret is the chair’s ability to provide not only extreme comfort for extended periods, but to provide food, water, and take care of waste elimination. Manfoul says the EverChair is the only way to play games, undisturbed by nature.
“This is more than just a comfortable chair,” says Manfoul. “Primarily it’s designed like a waterbed, to contour itself to your body. A built-in heating and cooling system alternately circulates through the chambers, slowly heating, cooling, heating, and cooling the body, stimulating and soothing muscles in the process so there is no stiffness from sitting for long periods. These heating and cooling chambers are where food and water is stored, keeping your favorite meals and drinks on hand and at the right temperature. Liquids can be sucked from a tube so that gamers don’t have to take their hands off the controller. There is a blending option that allows gamers to have their food liquefied if they wish to continue their gaming with both hands.”
One of the most interesting features of the EverChair is the toilet, or as Manfoul calls it, the Eliminator. “It’s a wonder no one has ever thought of this before,” Manfoul exclaims, “I mean, you’re already in a seated position to begin with. Why get up just to go and sit down again? It makes no sense. The EverChair will easily take care of that for you.”
The EverChair also includes a build-in Bose speakers surround sound with Bass Rumble Technology, a forced feedback at 25 key points to ensure your body will feel like it’s part of the game, and a swivel motor to rotate the chair in the event that you have to look behind you.
Dirty monitor and TV screens can ruin your gaming experience. Who wants to spend all kinds of money on a game if you can’t see it properly? And who wants to go through the tedious process of cleaning the screen by hand each time you sit down for a gaming session? It’s enough to make you want to give up gaming altogether – but wait! The Screen Kleener will do all the dirty work for you, leaving you relaxed and refreshed for your virtual adventure. The Screen Kleener works like the windshield wipers on your car. Simply install the Screen Kleener atop your TV or computer monitor, fill the reservoir with cleaning solution, and you’re good to go. No more messy towels. No more boring, manual labor. Save your elbow grease for the great dinosaur fight at the conclusion of level three. For added convenience, the Screen Kleener is voice-activated so all you have to do is yell, “Screen Kleen,” and consider the job all washed up.
The Cool Controller allows you to put the freeze on fair-weather gaming friends and make them chill.
The Cool Controller is designed for those “gaming buddies” that continually annoy you by wanting to play co-op or head-to-head multi-player modes when all you really want is some time alone with your game. Enter the Cool Controller. It comes with the basic interior components of a normal controller but there’s no exterior casing – and that’s what’s cool about it. Simply take the plastic, waterproof components, place them in the plastic mold that is shaped like a real controller, fill it with water and place in the freezer. In about an hour you’ll have a frozen, Popsicle-style controller with actual working parts frozen inside.
The problem is: Who would ever want to use it? The solution: Give it to the pesky persistent pest to play with. He’ll try his damndest, but after about 10 minutes he’ll give up or suffer incapacitating frostbite on his digits. One way or another he’s guaranteed to leave you alone to enjoy your gaming in peace.
In due time, the Cool Controller will harmlessly melt, allowing you to collect the components and put them back in the container. The beauty of the Cool Controller is that it’s reusable. Great if you have a lot of annoying friends, or one particular idiot that just can’t take a hint. The Cool Controller lets you put these kind of friendships on ice.
*This article is presented as an exclusive Cheat Code Central feature titled “Are you dumb enough to believe this?” Please check back each Friday for the newest edition.