Treasure Detective*

Treasure Detective uses the latest in precious metal detection technology. It’s extremely sensitive to a depth of ten feet, and it won’t register cheap metals such as tin, lead, and nickel. No more digging up bottle caps, dead batteries, and bean cans. When that buzzer goes off, you know you’ve struck it rich.

With Treasure Detective, you’ll be able to find valuable coins, gold bracelets, diamond rings, expensive watches, priceless antiques, and a plethora of other treasures. Treasure Detective sends penetrating, low-frequency sound waves deep into the ground, providing a sonic radar. That information is transformed into visual data, allowing you to see the actual shape of the detected object. It could be a civil war rifle, an heirloom, or a real treasure chest full of coins. The developers claim your purchase will pay for itself many times over in just a few short weeks.

“We found all kinds of valuables using the Treasure Detective,” claims Tommy Frontenac. “We would have been rich, but because Canada is a Communist country, we had to give it all back to the government. Then our son was taken to jail where he awaits a beheading by the Queen. Treasure Detective works amazingly well—perhaps too well. Just don’t use it in places like Canada and other third-world countries.”

“Having placed the device over my head, I was able to detect the metal plate in my skull,” says former Cheat Code Central CEO Arty Hackery. “It also picked up the copper in my hair, the iron in my blood, and the lead in my ass, so my wife says. Actually I’m joking, I don’t have a wife. Actually, I did have a wife, but she went up to Canada with the Treasure Detective last year and I haven’t heard from her since. It could also have something to do with that young, handsome sailor from Montreal she was talking to on the internet.”

Hackery adds that he’s found a series of great locations to deploy the Treasure Detective. He says these areas are an invaluable resource for bracelets, watches, rings, and expensive latches. “They’re called cemeteries,” Hackery says. “You’ll find cufflinks, gold teeth, and hinges and hardware from the caskets. A good coffin handle can be worth up to thirty bucks. Just make sure you have a good shovel and a strong back. It’s good exercise, and a great way to meet new people. Well, they’re not really new, if you know what I mean. They’re just new to me. Most of them must be Hungarian, because they sure could use breath mints.”

Scheduled for a winter release, Treasure Detector may be found underneath a tree this upcoming Holiday Season.